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Twenty Five. Do you think that we should accomplish something by turning
this age? I used to think that this age was really amazing. I should have seen
myself somewhere. Working at a big company which I'm really proud of to answer
whenever people ask about my job (hmm wait, do I really want it? Being an inspiring teacher is my childhood and forever dream btw hehehe). Or pursuing master
degree abroad sponsored by scholarship sounds really cool!!! Or looking at my
book in a book store would be really amazing! Travelling and visiting many places
around the world... Or having a great business which is really successfull. Or
perhaps I marry someone whom I really proud to use his last name as mine, and
reading aloud a bedtime story to my little daughter. Okay...the latest one is
going too far :D
But the truth is.. here I am, in my bedroom, with my pajamas on, and my
stomach is really full of kastengel and his friends, because it is still
Eid vibes! Eh masih gak ya?
The thing I don’t really like about Eid is when I meet my relatives and
they ask some questions that I’m not comfortable to answer. I don’t know if
they are just trying to be nice and care about me by asking some annoying
questions, or perhaps the problem is in me that’s too sensitive to take all of
those questions seriously :D The questions related to jobs, relationship, etc
may be iritating because actually I don’t know how to answer and indeed I am
also questiong myself about that. Sometimes, I couldn’t sleep cause there’s too
much thoughts ..... on my mind. There’s a lot of noises in my head; whether I
take the right path, is this what I really want all my life? If I am not
walking through this career path, then where should I be? Am I happy? It is so
confusing because I think I haven’t find my passion yet. I don’t know what to
do. Well, people say that passion is not something you find, it is something
you create. BUT I don’t even know what I do really want. I’m figuring it out
every day, questioning every step I take.
On mid twenties, some people are trapped between their idealism and
(bitter) reality. Experts put this phase as “Quarter Life Crisis”. Patrick
Allan (2016) says quarter life crisis is shown by a trial of confused identity,
misguided purpose, and hopeless transition. I find it difficult to hold on the
values I believe but at the same time I try to be a responsible adult and pay
my own bills. I love the idea of flexibility, creativity, career development,
travel to see the world, fun and fresh work environment yet at the same time I
need a stable job as soon as possible which is mainly can be offered by a full
time job with a sort of commitments L
Moreover, in digital and social media era, updates on someone’s life can be
easily exposed and spread in seconds, the burden to be succesfull is heavier.
What people do and achieve seem to be cool and amazing. Sometimes, there was
always “When I would be as happy as them?” behind my happiness for them. My
happiness for them often goes along with the anxiety about myself. I cannot
describe the mixture feelings whenever I saw my friends’ updates about their
lives; having a new job, doing business trips,
travelling to new places, starting a new business and many of them have
found “the one” and get married. It
feels like I’m happy for you but why am I feeling stuck here?!!!!! That’s why
if you cannot find those inspire you, then doing social media detox would
probably a good idea for a while.
I often forget that people tend to put their highlight reel on instagram, I
shouldn’t compare it to my ‘backstage’ life. As sundanese sayings “Hirup mah
pasangka-sangka” which means people always guess about each others’ life. The
person who travel a lot may have saved their money for months. That one friend
who already get double digit salary may work their asses off and even perhaps
he just has 1 day off on Eid. That one friend who pursue master degree is
probably often stay hours in front of a laptop to write (type?) some essays and
work on a bundle of endless assigments and still do a part time job to support
their finances. That one friend who gets a lot of achievements may always study
and improve his skills day and nights and lose their time to have fun with
friends. That one friend who manages a huge business may have a debt. That one
friend who isn’t graduated yet may have health problems or family matters that
become their first priority now. That one friend who seldom go hangouts may
suffer from mental ilness. That one friend who hasn’t got a job yet may have
already applied a thousand applicants and go to a hundred of interviews but
they don’t get one of them cause it’s not their “time” yet. We just don’t know
what people go through behind their ‘wonderful’ life. WE JUST DON’T. We didn’t
put ourselves in their shoes.
But baby, complaining all the time (without looking for solution) doesn’t change anything. Therefore, I try
to do things I like while I'm waiting for the next chapter of my life. Reading
self-help books like “Ready or Not: Here Life Comes”, “The Subtle Art
of Not Giving a F*ck”, “Revive your Heart” “Homo Deus” have helped
me so much to regain my self awareness and remind me about the values that I
believe. One thing to be remembered that everyone may hold different value. So,
whenever I feel like I loose my identity because there are so much values
offered, I’m trying to get back to the value I believe. For some people, a big income is number one. Other
people value “family first” principle when deciding to take a job. The other
one develops the idea to do social work as many as possible so that their work
can be meaningful for them and society. The other one is really paying
attention to the source of their income, halal is enough, it’s his first
priority so that he will get a content and peacful heart. My dad as my forever
teacher once said that rely everything on God, put your trust in God, do the
best. God knows what we don’t know, because He is the best planner indeed. Now,
I try to accept that it’s ok to not knowing our passion yet. Yang salah
adalah ketika tidak bergerak sama sekali. I’m walking on my own path, I’m
going to enjoy every step I take, and I believe I’ll be there.
These are Patrick Allan’s words
which I can’t wait to share to you;
“Develop a healthy perspective on your life, stop pitying yourself, and
harness the awesome powers of gratitude. We all get stressed, but if you can
step back and appreciate the good around you, you’ll see that life probably
isn’t so bad.” So, now I just want to try to befriend with myself, walk
together to go through this phase of life, be kind to my own self, be thankful
for everything we passed, and try to know my self more....cause I do really
love you, dear an old soul walking paradoxes-INFJ.
Allan, Patrick. (2016). How to overcome your quater-life crisis. Retrieved
from https://lifehacker.com/how-to-overcome-your-quarter-life-crisis-1782670670
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